He picked me up and carried me to the bed. Usually
at times like these, we women fear ourselves as heavy as sacks of flour, but he
held me with such ease, with such obvious lack of effort in his expression that
I felt as light as he felt me. His
arms around me bloomed with muscle, the one hundred push-ups that had calloused
his knuckles in sinewy evidence. He lay me gently onto a cloud of a duvet, as
if delivering a glass slipper onto its cushion. No strain in his face, no
shake to his arms, no sudden letting go to relieve strained muscles. I loved
lying underneath his powerful bulk, knowing that if he chose to kill me right at that very moment, he could, and knowing that he wouldn’t. His erection pressed
against me through his jeans, igniting in me a simple kind of happiness. He
wanted me. Erections don’t lie. I wanted to touch it. I wanted to administer to
it like an artist would to a promising canvas. I wanted to honor it, to attend
to it, to love it, use it, enjoy it, and most importantly to put it in my mouth. Yes,
there was no problem. Yes he wanted me. Yes, everything had come together for this
moment in my life. He would take complete and utter pleasure in me. I looked
into his face, the light glinting in the blue of his eyes like sunlight off waves.
He kissed me then, his lips parting mine sure and insistence, probing and sucking on the
plump softness, pulling away, then coming close again, slow and rhythmic as the
dance of the tide.
“Are you
ready for me?” He asked before he entered me. It was something, he would ask
often and for a long time after. He was
the only man who ever asked this of me, and I found it endearing as if he was a
small boy, my cherub, or, as I adjusted it when he protested that he was
neither round nor innocent, my evil cherub. I willed with every cell in my mind
for him to trust me enough to lose his demons in me. My triumph depended on it.
"I'm always ready for you," I murmured, guiding him to me.
I felt him part me then, this man, taking me, fucking me. This white man, this Irish-American man fucking a woman from the Middle East where women like me are stoned as whores. I was his whore. He was the all powerful white man and I was his coolie whore, I thought as he happily fucked me, his cock stroking my G spot, sending through me a continuous cord of pleasure.
That night, he fucked me for hours. He fucked with
his eyes open. He said he liked looking at me while he fucked me. So, I kept mine open too. Incredulous,
I watched lust burn in his eyes clear like blue flames, and rose to heavens
above. At that moment, there was nowhere in the world I would’ve rather been
but in his arms. I was, for the first time in my life, making love to a man I was
in love with and who was in love with me. I was suddenly living in the here and
now every love scene in every movie that I had ever seen in my life. He
fucked like a typical man, too fast and shallow for me to cum, even though his cock
sent rifts of pleasure through me. He
fucked me however he wanted, at times with long quick strokes, at times short
staccatos, at times pounding me like a rag doll, and I loved every thrust,
every quiver and gasp and jab of pleasure that he sent into me. It turned me
on to think that his pleasure was single-minded and selfish. I was stronger
than whatever had stopped him the last time. That night, he not only came inside me, but
he came into himself. As long as we allow ourselves orgasms, there
is still a self who stands half a fighting chance in this world.
He went down on me later, eating me out hard and
rough, like a man likes his cock socked. I grasped his arms, his muscles hard ridges
under my fingers. I thought of how this man, this man whom I adored, this man loved me enough to put himself between my legs. His tongue was warm and
soft and cruel. This man who would never hurt me was delivering pain, something
I had gotten used to over the years, and had begun to welcome, surrendering myself
to it until it became pleasure. I reveled in the delicious punishment delivered
by the innocent tongue of my earnest lover until pleasure exploded deep inside
me and bliss flowed sweet and slow through my limbs.
We had triumphed.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment