From:
K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
To: Claudia Bonn@
XXXXX.XXX
Hello
HFG,
How
are you on this dark rainy day? I had an
amazing weekend with you. I hope we get
more of those. I enjoyed every minute of
it. You have been on my mind since the
minute I left you.
Have
a great day. I love you.
XOXOXOX
Me
_______________________________________________________
Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 12:36 PM
From: Claudia Bonn@
XXXXX.XXX
To:
K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
Good
morning my love!
I
must've been tired because I got up really late today, except for the thunder!
I've never heard it be so loud. It was kind of alarming.
Last
night I was lying in my stoned tired state on my bed, dozing, and images of you
kept going through my mind. The way you smile, your beautiful blue eyes, the
way you look at me really intensely sometimes. Then when I wake up, you're the
first thought that pops into my head. I love your hands on me, the taste of
your mouth. I love the feel of you inside me.
It
must be your influence on me, but I've gone from a mother who makes the kids go
to bed at 11 the latest no matter what because their brains need the sleep to
develop, to letting Nikki and her friend who was here for a sleepover to raid
the fridge at 2 am. Or maybe it's just because they had nothing planned for
today, nothing to get up early for or be alert for, so I figured what the heck,
let them live it up, so I left two eleven year olds alone in the kitchen and
just told them to be careful with the stove. I felt so irresponsible! : ) Came
up to my room and daydreamed about you : ) So much more fun.
I
love you, even if you don't want to have a baby with me : ) AND you smacked me.
What did I say? I can't remember but it was kind of stupid, that I do remember.
You ever do that again though, and you're getting it back.
So,
since you scoffed at the old song, here's a new candidate.
I
adore you, SNB
HFB'G
______________________________________________________
Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 1:17 PM
From:
K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
To: Claudia Bonn@
XXXXX.XXX
I
love you too Shadi. You are the most
beautiful woman in the world. Making
love to you was the highpoint of my life.
I am really looking forward to doing that again. I can still feel the sensation of your
fantastic legs on my chest. You were so
tight and wet. Next time I will go a
little slower so it lasts longer. I will
never forget the beautiful smile on your face.
I have never been so happy.
I
was tired this morning too. We stayed up
so late on Saturday night. I feel a bit
jet lagged. The storm was great. There wasn't much thunder here though.
How
is Piggy?
XOXOXOX
SNB
______________________________________________________
Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 1:47 PM
From: Claudia Bonn@
XXXXX.XXX
To:
K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
Piggy is good! He is so cute! I have to find out if the vet we have now sees guinea
pigs to cut his nails. They're vegetarian and their poop is this little firm odorless
pellets that look a little like chocolate covered raisins, so even if he poops
on my bed, I just pick it up and dispose of it. He really is adorable. When the
housekeeper gets here at around 3, I'll have her help me move the furniture in
Nadi's room, so that we can have an elevated place for the cage so that the
dog, Feisto, can't get near Piggy I just love animals! That's why I like you :
)
I
feel badly about your piano player losing his mother, and if he lived with her
that means they were really close. It's not just like, oh sad, I lost a parent
who has a life in another city. It will change his whole routine and daily
life. So, I hope the rehearsal goes well tonight. How's work going?
XOXOXO
Me
too.
_____________________________________________________
Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 1:59 PM
From:
K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
To: Claudia Bonn@
XXXXX.XXX
Hello
my love,
We
are still having trouble with the AC.
The landlord is not sympathetic.
In fact, they are in denial.
People here are really angry.
Funny thing, if the ac was working, it would be cold in here and
everybody would be miserable. They would
tell me I should turn it off.
I
am headed to times square now. We have a
monthly meeting with my boss’s boss.
I
feel bad for Andy too. I don't even want
to think about it. I will try to go to
the wake, but it is in Queens. I don't
know how I would get there.
Sounds
like the guinea pig is low maintenance.
I hope he doesn't poop in your bed even if it is easy to clean up. Be careful of your back when you move the
furniture.
XOXOXOX
SNB
________________________________________________________
Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 4:43 PM
From: Claudia Bonn@
XXXXX.XXX
To:
K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
I
hate it when the AC is on too high like at the movie theatres. It's creepy to
use so much electricity and go against nature at the same time, AND be too
cold.
Wemust be meant to be, because the one week we had freedom Mother Nature gave us
perfect weather during the week and even through the whole week-end. I hope you
didn't get caught in the rain going to Times Square. I haven't left the house
all day. It's been too yucky. But we've rearranged Nadi's room to accommodate
little Piggy.
How
did the meeting go?
I'm
so crazy about you!
ME.
_____________________________________________________
Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 5:09 PM
From: Claudia Bonn@
XXXXX.XXX
To:
K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
I'm
trying to type as people go in and out of my room, so I apologize for my typos.
We are meant to be not I : ) What are
you doing on Friday after work? I have massage at 6:30, although, I can also
push it to 7, so maybe I can come in a little earlier. Park if the weather is
good? Somewhere around 3rd and 72nd, since that's where her place is?
_____________________________________________________
Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 9:59 PM
From:
K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
To: Claudia Bonn@
XXXXX.XXX
Friday
night works. 72nd and 5th if the weather is good.
I will find an alternate if the weather is bad. What time can you make it?.
He didn’t really smack me that day. He could never smack me. It really was a slap upside the head. I don’t remember why. There was nothing sexual in it. In a way I wished he had smacked me, or slapped my ass for punishment as opposed to dismissing me with as little respect as a kid sibling. I felt sexless in every meanings of that word.
At one point, our talk had meandered into having babies as all couple’s eventually does.
“I would’ve loved to have a baby with you,” I said.
“I’m too old to have children,” he replied.
For a moment, the coldness of the reply shocked me.
He could have easily said something like, “Me too, I would’ve loved to have a
baby with you; if only we had met when we were younger,” or some such
inconsequential cuddle shit. But in time, I realized that he is often resolutely
practical to the exclusion of whimsy or irreverence. His reaction wasn’t a
verbal reflex belying lack of affection; it was a recitation of fact that he
uttered as that and only that, unaware of the secondary context of words.
Except in that secondary context was where I lived.
“That’s not the point, “I said, trying to laugh it off. “I don’t
want any more kids. It’s the sentiment of it, that if we could, because we love
each other, we would want a child together.”
“Oh, OK,” he
said.
“It would be a good looking kid. It could have your
blue eyes,” I said, looking at his profile.
He turned and rested his gaze on me. “And your
beautiful black hair.”
He hadn’t scuffed at the song, as I claimed. He had
said nothing about it. His silence meant disapproval to me although I had been
raised by people who expressed approval through silence and every disapproval
loudly. He may have also not said anything, I suspected, because he had nothing
nice to say, he was polite like that, or perhaps I had simply failed to capture
his interest. So, I sent him another song. Perhaps a more relevant one, because
I was afraid to ask myself, why wouldn’t my Romeo want to have an "our song?"
Isn’t that what couples in love do? His response felt noncommittal, indifferent. If he doesn’t care, does that mean that
I’m, us, aren’t real to him? Is he just using me? For sex? But that didn’t
jive. I was the one who had proposed going to a hotel. We routinely spent time together outside
of bedroom. Then why had he ignored the love song? And so I tortured my
melodramatic self for hours. I told him once that I was afraid of the power
I would give him over me. He told me he isn’t dangerous. He lied.
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