Frightened

* NOTE
After the cold confrontation, there were the hot tears. I clung to the same man who had hurt me for comfort. He simply held me and let me cry for as long as I wanted, neither trying to explain nor shush me. Later, Kevin said that he had abandoned the account, except for some kind of a fee they kept charging to his credit card that he had to call about a million times. He seemed exasperated with the experience, something he often is when he comes across corporate greed or neglect. I listened to his explanations, that it wasn’t going to go further, that it was just a harmless flirtation, and reminded myself of the unsteadiness in his hands at our first date that had endeared him to me so much. Anyone who was that nervous about meeting a woman for the first time, couldn’t possibly be a womanizer. I asked him if he wanted to fuck. I wanted to see whether he would stoop that low for sex. Also, now that I had ambushed him, I had shed my anger which like a good wash revealed a shimmering new want for him. But he turned me down. He said he couldn’t even if he tried. Before I left, I told him that I loved him, but that the ball was in his court.

Tuesday evening and the whole of Wednesday, I was afraid to check my email. A man who just randomly plays with women, wouldn’t appreciate one who stuck him with a $350 hotel bill and no action. Since no real affection bound him to me, why wouldn't he want to meet someone new who would give him the same perfect adoration that I innocently had? But perhaps I was wrong, perhaps he did love me. I recalled the first time we slept together, and how he had satisfied me although he hadn't been able to satisfy himself. So, late at night, after the household had gone to sleep, I signed into my email. Kevin had written.  


Wed, Aug 22, 2012 at 9:57 AM

To: K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX
To: Claudia Bonn@ XXXXX.XXX

Good morning HFnmGa,

I am so sorry about the way things turned out between us.  Just because I am a douche bag doesn't mean I don't love you.  You are an amazing beautiful woman.  I would never have done anything to hurt you or lose your love.  Unfortunately, I have that effect on people.

I went last night knowing it would be our last night together, though for different reasons.

I was so worried.  It probably would have been a disaster under any circumstances.  My hands were shaking and my palms sweating from the moment I saw you.  I could barely get the champaign glass to my mouth. 

I am a very lucky guy, but my luck does not include the extraordinary.  You are extraordinary.  See you in my dreams.

Still a huge fan of you,

nsSnsYnyBa

Khodafez

______________________________________________________

Thu, Aug 23, 2012 at 12:15 AM

From: Claudia Bonn@ XXXX.XXX

To: K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX

Good morning HFnmGa,

What do the new letters mean?

I am so sorry about the way things turned out between us.  Just because I am a douche bag doesn't mean I don't love you.  You are an amazing beautiful woman.  I would never have done anything to hurt you or lose your love.  Unfortunately, I have that effect on people.

I went last night knowing it would be our last night together, though for different reasons.

What were those reasons? That you no longer wanted to deal with me? That you were already talking to other people on AM, and were coming to get off one last time? Have me suck your cock and let you fuck me, so that you can send me home with my pussy in my hand? Feeling like an asshole? What I can't figure out is how you fake your hands shaking. You're passing it off as vulnerability, but it’s actually that you're a nervous con. All this is bullshit talk. If you wanted me back you would've thrown me on the bed, ripped off my clothes and ate me out until I came in your face. That would've been a nice apology for going off talking to other women. Not go around lying in my face while feeling sorry for yourself for being a jerk. The choice is yours, you want to be a jerk or a lover? If you are going to seduce women for longer than a couple of times then you'll have to practice, or more importantly want to practice. Otherwise, you're in the wrong business.