Golden Shower

Thu, Aug 9, 2012 at 4:20 AM

From: K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX

To: Claudia Bonn@ XXXXX.XXX

She is in bad shape.  She is in great health.  It is frustrating.  I think she is kind of depressed and this is her outlet.  I wish I could get her to deal with it.  The exhibit would have been a little hard on anyone.  It is 5 or 6 galleries.  We took over an hour to finish.  I forgot how good that museum is.  They had a great section of Indian art.  They also have amazing modern art, but we didn't have the energy to go that far.

The guinea pig seems to like you.  He has good taste.  I hope he doesn't pee on you either.  I am glad to know you aren't into that, or are you?

I have high expectations.  It creates better outcomes even if they are less than expected.  Meeting you is an excellent example of the benefits. 

Nadi gets big points.  She is right twice.  First, those people are intruding.  It is undignified.  Second, they have to bring a generous gift, BURN.  Generous giving is a virtue, generous gifts are a vice.  It overvalues their role in her life.  You have taught your daughter well.

I love you.

SNB

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Thu, Aug 9, 2012 at 1:08 PM

From: Claudia Bonn@ XXXX.XXX

To: K<dancing.midnight@XXXXX.XXX

Good morning SNB:

You're keeping some insane schedule. Crazier than even mine. What were you doing up at that hour? Or is it that you were getting ready to go to the airport? Aren't you coming back today? Hurray!!!!

What do you mean that your mom is depressed and "this" is her outlet? What's her outlet, being in bad shape? You mean she's too depressed to exercise? I've read that when people get older, especially when they live alone, they get depressed for a variety of reasons. My mother feels really lonely, but she's been depressed since she was young so no change there. I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated. It's never easy to deal with parents, but we can't make grown people do stuff either. It's just one of those hard things about loving people. Sometimes, we just have to stand by and watch people we love make less than ideal choices. That's why many people just don't love. In some ways it's easier, but to love feels too good to stop : ) At least, she is in good health, which is the most important thing.

The guinea pig spared me last night. But yes, I'm really into golden showers, giving them and getting them, I just thought I'd bring it up once we know each other better : ) One time, in college, when I was dancing, I met a man who was into shoe fetish. Not foot fetish, shoe fetish. He wanted me to sit around while he served me food and drink, then knelt in front of me, rubbed and kissed my feet, licked my shoes clean, and ate whatever crumbs fell on the floor. I felt so sorry for him. People like that never get a break. So, I said, OK, I'll do it, but I would buy a new pair of shoes I would wear only inside that he could lick. He got very upset and said that would defeat the whole point; he wanted to lick all the crap on the street off the shoes. But if I let him ingest all those germs, I would've been an accomplice to self-destructive behavior, so I couldn't do it.

So, you will have to drink lots of Coke on Tuesday. NOT : )

Have a safe flight home my love. I love you lots and lots and can't wait to see you!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

HFG

 

While Kevin was away, I filled the long days of waiting with memories of our times together. I would close my eyes and replay the first moment when I would see him in a crowd. Sometimes, he had already seen me, and stood watching me, waiting for me to discover him. Discovering him was like seeing presents under the tree on Christmas morning. He exudes masculine strength and boyish vulnerability. I love his chiseled face and jawline, the way his hair falls innocently over his forehead, his well-drawn mouth, and those eyes; they vacillate between blue and green and sparkle like the sea.
When he had been watching me, I would feel a little self-conscious. Was my posture OK? Was my expression pretty? My gait confident and happy? Was I doing the cat-walk glide, or my normal duck bill, each foot turning its own way? Was I hunching, as is my horrible habit? Did I look distracted and annoyed since I would usually be rushing, running late, fighting the crowds between me and our meeting spot?  

“Were you watching me?” I ask.

“I was,” he says. “You are beautiful.” Then he smiles big as a boy. “I was thinking, she is so hot and she is coming to see me.”

I look into his aquamarine eyes, his words like sugar in my veins, then give him the friend hug. We begin to walk together, close but not touching. I ask about his day. He tells me, usually things hadn't been as a well as he would've liked. I listen, but I’m not sure what to do. Should I try to solve the issues, or just lend an ear? I’m glad to do either, because it makes me happy to make him happy. How I feel about him is like sex. You are getting happy while making somebody else happy; it’s perfect. That’s why when you look at a couple who is having sex, it is a closed universe. Neither needs anyone else at that moment.

Sometimes as we walk, we can't help our hands creeping closer together until our fingers touch then get hold of each other. Other times, I happily loop my arm through his. The very old-fashioned flamboyant nature of the connection suggesting that we can also be an attractive woman and her hot gay friend. Sometimes, when it's dark, or we are in a remote neighborhood, he puts his hand on my waist, and invariably slides it down to my ass. Not a very respectful place to touch me in public, but he says he loves doing it, and so I love it too. He said the day we met, he stole a couple of feels off my thigh as we walked up 23rd Street, like a naughty teenager, like a thief in the night : ) I didn't even realize it; he felt me up as expertly as he stole my heart.